Cakes made of distillers' grain
Once upon a time, there was a poor man who did not drink. He ate two grain cakes each morning before going out to work. The cakes made him a bit tipsy every morning.
One day he met a friend who asked: "Did you drink some wine this morning?"
"No. No. I only had some grain cakes for breakfast, that's all." He replied.
When he told his wife about this after returning home, his wife said: "You should have told him that you did have some wine just to keep up the appearance."
So, the other day when the poor man met his same friend again and the friend asked the same question, the poor man replied that he did have some wine.
His friend continued to ask: "Did you have hot wine or cold wine?"
"It was baked." The poor man said.
His friend burst into laughter and said: "You had no wine but your old grain cakes!!"
When the poor man's wife learnt about it, she shouted at the poor man: "Stupid! No one ever bakes his wine. You should just say you drank it hot and nice."
When he met that friend again, the poor man said before his friend could say anything: "I drank my hot wine this morning." His friend grinned and asked: "Really? How much did you drink?"
"Two pieces," said the poor man, raising two fingers.
There is no use chanting the name of Buddha, Ma
Zhai Yongling had a mother who was a devout Buddhist. She would recite the scriptures from morning to night.
One day, Yongling got an idea. He pretended to have something to talk to his mother about so he called her while she was chanting the name of Buddha. His mother heard Yongling calling her so she stopped and answered him. However he kept on calling her.
His mother finally lost her temper and shouted: "Stop it! Why do you keep calling me like that?"
Yongling laughed and replied:" Well, you see, mother, you get angry just because I've called you a few times. Image how angry the Buddha will be when he hears you chanting his name thousands of times a day."
Wine of eternal life
During the Wu Han Dynasty, the imperial court had an articles of tribute which included a glass of wine that was supposed to give the drinker eternal life. One day, a guy named Dongfang Shuo drank some of the wine thinking that nobody had seen him. Unfortunately, the King learnt about his act and was furious. He decided to put Dongfang Shuo to death.
Dongfang Shuo pleaded the King: "My Lord, the wine I drank was supposed to give me eternal life. That means I wouldn't die even if you kill me. If I should die, then the wine is not the real wine of eternal life."
The King was amused by what Dongfang Shuo said and he pardoned him.